Letting God out of the Box

Atheism as a path to mysticism

Before I was old enough to understand what I was being taught at church, I saw God everywhere.

In the sun streaming through my window, in wispy dandelion globes, in the pumpkin patch, in the Christmas tree, in car rides in the dark, in the magical rainbow of chewed up gum pressed under McDonalds tables and park benches, in the mysteriousness of my own butthole.

Every day was a wild, exciting, delightful (or terrifying), ride and I was part of it all—The Big Everything. The Holy Mystery. God.

But as I grew older, this is what I was taught to believe:

God isn’t everywhere—God is a Man in the Sky (living on some planet named Kolob).

God sent us to earth to test us, and only if we pass the test will we be able to live with God (someplace not on earth), and to be with our families after we die.

Even though we are here to be tested, the only way to pass the test is with a perfect score and it’s impossible to get a perfect score.

Because it’s impossible to get a perfect score on the test of life, God sent down his son to die (in a really gruesome way) and atone for all our mistakes—because someone has to pay for all those mistakes or else God wouldn’t be just.

“The natural man is an enemy to God”— so to be with God we have to deny ourselves and the way we were created. Our natural instincts, our natural feelings and impulses, and even our natural desires.

To be self-sacrificing is to be Godly.

My butthole (and a MULTITUDE of other things) is not mysterious and cool. It’s something to be ashamed of.

They separated me from God and then put God in a tiny, inaccessible box.

And I drank that Kool-Aid like it was the elixir of life—because, of course, I was taught that it was.

In a surprising turn of events in my mid-20s (listen to my podcast for more details on what that turn of events looked like) I became an atheist…and a nihilist…and a few other things (see my post “Worshipping What Is” ).

And in an even MORE incredible turn of events, atheism didn’t kill God, it merely helped me unlock the box that they had imprisoned God in.

God is not a man in the sky.

God is The Big Everything.

I am not an enemy to God.

I AM God. (And so are you).

My butthole is not something to be ashamed of.

It is as much a part of The Big Everything as anything else.

It is also The Holy Mystery.

(Or perhaps, in this case, the holey mystery…teehee)

Life is not a test—it is an expression of God.

A miraculous creation that continues to create.

The Ouroboros—a snake eating it’s own tail.

I’ve started playing this game I call “Hide and Seek with God.” I guess it mimics a gratitude or mindfulness practice, but this feels more fun to my INFP/ ADHD brain.

Here’s what I wrote in my journal last night:

Where I Found God Today

Writing in my journal

Mowing the lawn

A cool spring breeze

The smell of fresh cut grass

The produce aisle

An evening bike ride

The smell of honeysuckle and other spring flowers

Singing in my kitchen

Hot soapy water

Mrs. Meyer’s Geranium Scented Cleaning Spray

The though of directing a choir

A Boo-la-la from Lindy

Junie B. Jones playing on the Yoto

Cauliflower tacos

The kid that came to wash our windows

Walking to the mailbox

A mirror pep-talk and hug from myself.

Jesus said: “Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.”

Maybe the kingdom of heaven is HERE and all it takes is to be brave enough to recognize it the way we did when we were kids.

Where will you find God today?

Love,

Kimber